I see this kind of thing all over tumblr and think “maybe I should do that”. But we all know I’ll do like two and forget or just give up. I can try, though.

I see this kind of thing all over tumblr and think “maybe I should do that”. But we all know I’ll do like two and forget or just give up. I can try, though.

(Source: thegirlkyle)

From an interview with John Mulaney
Interviewer:I watched HBO’s “Talking Funny” special and at one point Ricky Gervais asks the other comics when they realized they might be funny. I was wondering if you remember a joke from early on that worked well.
Mulaney:Yes I do. I was at a birthday party when I was 4 and the birthday girls’ mom said, “That’s a sharp shirt,” and I said “Yeah sometimes I use it instead of scissors.” And I said it really deadpan.
This became way too difficult at the end. It came down to my two most  favorite television couples. Ultimately, I went with the couple I would  rather be like. I only went Lily and Marshall because of that whole  women’s lib thing.

This became way too difficult at the end. It came down to my two most favorite television couples. Ultimately, I went with the couple I would rather be like. I only went Lily and Marshall because of that whole women’s lib thing.

A library card can take you anywhere, the card catalogue council will tell you, but it doesn’t really get you to those warm and fuzzy feelings of human touch and the love that sometimes accompanies those hands and lips. Those are just pages made out of paper, made out of hard trees, soaked and flattened into sheets that hold inked-up thoughts. They can be cold or they can be warm, but they can’t be worn or hugged back. Words are replacements, space holders for what they hope to invoke or bring on, as if the veins of love are like balloons that haven’t been blown up yet, just limp and rubbery and lying droopily like a pile of sailing rope.
I feel like someone should bring me some mac and cheese or pho because I don’t feel good.

I’m trying so hard not to get sick THREE DAYS before my best friend’s wedding; I have drank so many gross-tasting, homeopathic teas and potions because I am poor and can’t afford doctors and actual medicine.

My voice is already raspy, but not in the sexy way. In the gross, sore throat, you’re-totally-sick sort of way. Maybe I can get one of the other bridesmaids to read my toast.

Who wants to buy me tickets for and go with me to the Black Keys concert in Austin this April?

Anyone? Anyone?!

Being a maid-of-honor is a lot of work.

Last time all I did was plan the bachelorette party and attend the shower. I didn’t even go to the wedding.

Today I have eaten an apple pie flavored Larabar and apple pie.